i cannot deny that you were designed for my punishment

feeling: productive
listening to: "Smile, You've Won" by Lydia


I finished my first week of physical therapy and HOLY HELL do I hurt!! Scott has made me stretch muscles I didn't even know I had hahahaha. I seriously feel old though and don't tell me "You're too young...." I'm not. Thanks to Mason for this, he said, "We're young kids living in old bodies." That's so true. It's getting to the point that it's hard to sit at the computer anymore and even to lay in bed hurts sometimes. This isn't because of my physical therapy, it's because of all my meds taking their toll on me. It's over 3 and a half years since I had the transplant so it's bound to catch up to me sooner or later I guess. I just hate when my body doesn't function "normally."

I've felt so rebellious lately. I want another tattoo and although I've been told time and time again how bad it is I can't tame the urge. Some of you reading this (if anyone even actually read it) are thinking I'm being stupid. It's a tattoo.....who wants one anyway? I happen to love tattoos as a way of expressing myself. I got my Tinkerbell tattoo when i was 17 and don't ever regret it. It doesn't have as much meaning as some of the tattoos that I want today and I want to get out there and "redesign" my body. Getting tattooed is almost like getting a passport. Passports have a bunch of stamps tp represent places you've been and tattoos are like stamps to help you remeber certain points in your life. Its like a scrapbook for your skin haha. Besides, sometimes it takes pain like that to make you feel more alive. I've had a semi-major surgery since the transplant, a few little ones and a bunch of those dentist appointments that require the antibiotics. My question is, why can't I get a tattoo if I just took an antibiotic and made sure to keep it clean? Ugh.....

And I was going to say something else but my meds give me the memory of a goldfish. *pause for thought* Oh yeah!! I was going to say how much more confident I'm feeling about my French/American Sign Language. For those of you who don't know, I'm currently in school trying to be an interpreter for deaf people. The French is totally random but I absolutely love learning it and hope I'll some day be able to live in Montreal or something for a little while. This is one of the reasons I keep going. Being able to work really hard (like learning a language) and then having a huge goal (like living in Montreal) is what life is all about. After all, you gotta have goals- some fun, some serious because that's what'll keep you motivated from day to day.