let's get physical

Well, I guess I better start actually blogging now. I'm going to do it like I do in my journals so here it goes:

I'm feeling: calm
I'm listening to: "Gehenna" by Slipknot (I've been listening to this CD nonstop lately and this song in particular so you'll probably see me listening to it in the next blog too.... :P)

I went to my first day of physical therapy today and it went very well. First some background as to why I need it.... I apparently have peripheral neuropathy and the cause of it? No one knows. It could be the pills, it could be the fact that I was bed ridden for so long before the transplant or it could just be that my nervous system sucks in general. Either way I experience a sort of numbness all the time and it gets worse when I walk long distances.

The worst of this happened when I was a bridesmaid at my friend Meredith's wedding. Walking around in the heat in high heels and having numb legs is NOT a good combination. I just could not hold myself up anymore and after attempting to walk to take pictures and looking like I was drunk doing it, fell over simply because I couldn't support myself anymore. I just started bawling because it frustrates me when my body prevents me from doing things that seem so simple.

So, I've talked to doctors about it and many medications and tests later I'm still the same and getting worse. Physical therapy was once suggested but then also blown off as if it wouldn't help. I decided to go against all of my doctor's negative attitudes about it and try it. Why not, right? So today was my first day of actually working out. Last week I met the therapist, Scott and he said we would do 2 days of aquatic therapy and 1 in the gym every week. Today I was in the pool and I was so nervous!! First of all, no one is allowed to see me in a bathing suit, I'm so self-conscious of my body. But Scott, (who happens to be a total cutie) has scars too from an accident he was in. So, he actually does have a nice body and doesn't care about the scars so it helped me not to care either. Obstacle one complete. Obstacle two: I CAN'T WALK!! How am I supposed to sustain exercise? It actually wasn't bad. The pool actually gives you a good workout even while only doing simple activities so I felt like I got a lot accomplished.

We'll see how it goes but I feel really comfortable around Scott. I think he's really trying to help me and do what is in my best interests. I can't wait to see if I start feeling stronger or if I can go longer distances when I walk. My goal is to be able to go on a European cruise next summer and actually be able to do things like tours and stuff.

London. London. London. London. London. London..........

(London is my favorite city in the world by the way so being able to go again is my inspiration to make sure this therapy works. I gotta try, right?! Wish me luck.)