two thousand eleven

feeling: anxious
hearing: "You Are Mine" by MuteMath

One of my New Year's resolutions should be to blog more!! Man, it's been since April?! I've had so much happen I wouldn't know where to start....

I've had a couple relationships since then. Back in June I met a really cool guy we'll call Derek. He and I hit it off instantly and it felt like we were soul mates--like if there is such a thing as the reincarnation that we'd been with each other in each and every life before. It just felt right. He has a daughter and we soon became the cutest damn little family. I was beyond happy. However, our relationship was like a firecracker. When it was good, it was flippin phenomenal but when it was bad it was like a volcano exploded lava all over the place and caused miles of damage. We ended up breaking up at the end of September-ish and I was devestated beacuse I still wanted that future I'd built us in my head. In the end although I still love him and a part of me always will, we sadly weren't meant to be. At least not at this point in time. I never say never and I can't ignore that connection we had but sometimes you gotta let go and see where life takes you.

I did fall for someone else in the mean time who is truly special. I've never been treated so nicely by any other guy in my life and it's almost confusing to me and I don't know how to react. I met him through some friends of mine: Michele who died about a year ago and had a double lung transplant like me and her husband Glenn. Brent is Glenn's son and funny enough I never really noticed him before and he never noticed me but we got along well at a funeral for a friend of ours Tiffany who we lost in September. We became friends and Glenn, Brent, my mom and I all went to Disneyland for Halloween and had a blast. Sicne then he and I have become "official" and it's nice to have him in my life. I don't know how I deserve such a sweet guy.

As I said, we lost Tiffany this year and that hit me super hard because I saw her on life support in the ICU and I'm always the patient, never the friend coming to visit so it was hard to watch and know that I've been in her position and my family was pulling for me the same way. Lost Carl and Charles...more transplant patients but in other news my friend Allison was retransplanted and is doing well! Such an emotional roller coaster.

I'm still working at my first job but I also got another one as a substitute at a Deaf school and I love it! Only wish I got more hours so I could sign more but I'm not complaining! So despite the stress, the loss, the depressing moments, etc. I still try to smile and move forward and know that I'm still here. I was tested for my cancer again about a week ago and it still shows as clear so thats fabulous! It's just another reminder that I might not have experienced all that I have in almost 11 years had it not been for modern medicine and my family and friends pulling through this with me. Goodbye 2011.....2012, show me what you got.

<3 Ashley