forget to remember

"Prescribe pills to offset the shakes to offset the pills you know you should- take it a day at a time...." -Panic! at the Disco

feeling: broken-hearted (screw men)
listening to: "Map of the Problematique" by Muse

I'll start this out with something good-

MY PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY IS GONE!!

Yes, you read that right!! I really noticed it at Disneyland back at the beginning of May. That's when it was so obvious because that was a huge test of my abilities. I walked all over the place from park to hotel to restaurants and I simply OWNED that place. Nonstop walking. Yeah my joints hurt and all that but so did all the other "normal" people in the group. Disneyland can kill anyone but I....I made it. *tear* I haven't not been in a wheelchair or something like that at Disneyland in....well too long. It was so wonderful!


Now to the bad part and I want input on this if anyone else has experienced it: my memory has totally gone to hell. I'm taking Aricept for it which is supposed to work amazingly for Alzheimers. So far, no improvement and I've been taking it for months. It's bringing down my school work and everything and I'm usually an A student so it's been kinda depressing. I had a hybrid class this semester so part of it was in class and the other part was online. I missed three major tests in that class because my brain doesn't remind me to go to the website and do it. So frustrating! Anyway, blah I'll expand on that later.


I got a new tattoo on my left thigh and I don't think I've talked about it on here. Marty- I've been dying to show you this one:

Also, I got the back of my neck pierced but that came out after a month. I got bored with it. :( I still thought it was super cool though but it takes a lot more maitenence than a tattoo so I felt like it was a little more risky if I started slacking heh.

So yeah, all in all I am doing VERY well but still manage to have my ups and downs just like any person transplant or not. I'm actually beginning my autobiograpy (finally) about my experience with the transplant. It's really hard to figure out how I should write it though so I'm working on it. More updates soon (since school is almost out...yay!).

<3 Ashley

walk it off....

listening to: "The Swarm" by Dismantled
feeling: sleepy

School started a couple of weeks ago and I've been noticing that it's been easier to walk lately. My doctors took me off Voriconazole to see if that would help and maybe it is. Most transplant patients get off that medication pretty soon after surgery but I've been on it since then so they thought maybe it was contributing to my difficulty walking. That, mixed with my physical therapy have created a positive outcome so far. It's crazy how there are so many little symptoms that doctors are completely baffled about. That's why us transplant patients have to stick together and share what we've experienced. I've got so many random things going on and it helps to talk to others who might have heard it or had it.

I am the first for a lot of things. Doctors always say, "we've never seen that before" or "that's never happened" etc. That's part of the reason I got my tattoo was because for once I wanted to do something that I actually chose to do and not that was chosen for me by fate. I understood the risks and consequences and did it anyway with the knowledge I had from researching it. Now, I'm even planning on my next tattoo on February 20th. They couldn't stop me, weee!!

That's another thing I'll vent about shortly. I love my transplant team at UCSF. They understand that I got lungs and want to live. They are there behind me every step of the way making sure I can live life but yet they can still protect me from doing anything extremely stupid. Haha! St.Joe's transplant team however is a team I do not trust with my life. Not to scare any of my friends that belong to their team but I just feel like they don't know how to handle post-transplant situations and yet are too proud to ask other teams for ideas or input. I feel bad seeing all my friends getting sick under their care. It's a long story that I could spend pages and pages venting about but I won't. I just want to say that it makes me sad and I hope that all my friends will question what is right and wrong and keep an eye on how they feel so they can catch symptoms in advance.

Now that I've had my mini rant (you don't want to hear what I really want to say haha) I found this article that is a great thing for future transplant patients. It's about freezing organs for transport and it would have been nice to have more time to get to the hospital. I loved living in San Francisco but waiting was hard with out being near my friends and my pets and in my own bed. It would have been nice to have the choice of being there or being home. Although, it was convenient to be right by the hospital all the time....


http://http//thefutureofthings.com/news/6276/frozen-organs-live-longer.html?addComment


Anyway, I'll try and write more. I like having this as a venting place for my health issues because none of my other friends really understand or want to hear about it. (Or maybe I'm just assuming that.) So, I'll make a point to write when I have something to say. Wish me luck on keeping that goal! Haha.

love life

feeling: bored
listening to: "Decode" by Paramore

Every year I get an Ireland desk calendar so I can keep track of everything from concerts to doctors appointments, etc. I go through it before I throw it away at the end of the year it’s really interesting to read back on all that happened.
January 2008 was started out in Albuquerque, New Mexico as usual but this time instead of being at my dad’s house I was at Leigha’s. We were both super excited because we’d soon be on our way to Phoenix and she was going to live with me. Finally, together forever!

Our time together had its ups and downs and we parted ways in March. She went to live with two other roommates and I moved my room back to how it was before she’d gotten there. It was a very sad time for both of us I think because we both had such high hopes and to this day I will never take back anything I said or did. I told her I loved her and it was true. I have never loved somebody as much as I did Leigha but circumstances pulled us apart and even our friendship got complicated. To this day I don’t know how’ve we’ve gotten to the point we’re at now. It’s part, anger, sadness, bitterness, relief, hope. There are many emotions that I’m feeling and I can only imagine what she feels as well. She decided it was in her best interest to move back to Albuquerque and in doing this, it put the distance between us a reality. We still talk and I’m glad about that but there are days where I miss how close we used to be. Inseparable. It’s ok though, I’m living my life and she’s living hers. As long as we’re happy in that…..


I went to a lot of concerts in 2008 starting with Ill Nino on February 8th. I finally got to meet Cristian Machado and that pretty much completed my life right there.

The 17th, Leigha and I drove to Tucson to see Aiden and we even got to see a private performance at Zia Records before because we’re awesome like that.

July 16th was the Kill Hannah concert and after waiting hours in the blistering heat, it was SO not worth it. I still like their music and I liked the energy but Mat Devine is a douche bag. End of story. The White Tie Affair stole the show if you ask me.

July 18th was the Disturbed/Slipknot concert with my friends Eric and Jenn and no other concert will be able to compare I think. Slipknot is the most amazing band EVER live. It made me appreciate all the talent that is put into what they do. Most people just think, “Yeah, they scream. Big deal. That’s not music!” BULLSHIT. Every band member plays their instrument whether it be drums, guitar, vocals, turntable, whatever and each does it with an intense amount of passion that is only proven even more in concert.




Projekt Revolution 2008 occurred on my birthday this year. August 7th. Woot woot! It definitely didn’t compare to last year though and I was spoiled by Slipknot still.


Shallowpoint performed on September 6th and then with the Iris on Halloween. It was fun to get all dressed up with my lovely twin soul, Miss Twilight Starr. We definitely rock it when we get together, I love you girl!

I was SUPPOSED to see the Backstreet Boys on November 21st but Nick just had to get sick and disappoint me. I was sooooo sad about that! I’m still pissed actually. So that was my year in concerts as far as I remember.

I’ve been very involved in helping with Donate Life of Arizona as well as the St. Joe’s Lung Transplant Support Organization of which I am a board member. I’m also pretty much the main computer expert in the group since I’m the youngest and therefore the least frazzled about technology. Haha! I did a couple booth things with Donate Life, one at Laura’s Run in Scottsdale and got a lot of people there to sign up to be donors. Also, I had a booth set up at MCC and met some cool people there as well. I really enjoy doing that and talking to people about donating. I did a couple speeches regarding that too, one in public speaking and the other in sign language. Hopefully I got some people’s attention. I’ve met a lot of cool people being involved with those groups and have done activities with them on the side as well. I went with them to the Renaissance Festival and it was actually my first time.

I also did I few games with all of them in the name of Donate Life such as the Coyotes and the Diamondbacks. I became the closest with Michele and her and I would hang out all the time and go swimming and have lunch and just cause trouble in general. We did a lot of dinners together as a whole group and celebrated a lot of anniversaries as most of them are celebrating being a year out from their lung transplants.


On the 27th of July we all decided to go to Disneyland just for shits and giggles and had a great time. I’m definitely VERY happy that they have become such an important part of my life.



School was pretty good Spring 2008 and I met a lot of awesome friends that I continue to be friends with to this day. I was in a speech competition (thanks a lot Jessica haha) and finished off the semester with good grades.


Fall 2008 was definitely the most difficult semester of my school career but I got through it with nothing less than a B which is amazing considering I was prepared for an F in a couple classes. I had to work especially hard in my Career/Work Experience class where I had to follow around interpreters in various environments for at least 45 hours. That took up most of my time needless to say, not just the hours themselves but finding them in the first place. It was an awesome experience though and I learned a lot. It’s finally over but here I am ready to start Spring 2009. Blah!

I did a little bit of traveling this year:
· Went to Sedona in January so I could show Leigha what it’s like up there for her birthday.
· Drove to Tucson for the Aiden concert on February 17th.
· San Diego on April 25th to see Bryant and Shari’s new condo and it was a really pleasant vacation.

· Went to Carmel, California for Mothers Day in which I paid for the whole trip. We stayed at the Tickle Pink Inn which overlooked the ocean and we rented a car and drove around to all the places where we used to live. My mom said it was the best present ever.

· San Francisco on June 11th for the check-up
· Disneyland July 27th
· Seattle August 3rd for my birthday. (My first time!)

· Sedona for Thanksgiving as usual
· Albuquerque December 31st-January 4th to see my daddy and my little sister


Random Stuff

· May 17th- My cousin Melissa had a baby
· June 20th- Meredith’s wedding!

· August 13th- Got my tubes tied. No little Ashley’s running around!
· Interviewed for jobs such as Starbucks, Fascinations, and Tungland Corporation.
· December 2nd- Got my tattoo for Sarah (and did fine so I’m getting more!)

· Lots of ASU games

· Saw Twilight 6 times and counting….

· Christmas parties!!

I made a lot of great friends this year with people I either just met or knew before and became close with. People such as:
· Jessica
· Jason
· JT
· Mark
· Michele and Glenn
· Mason
· Carl and Elaine
· Anne
· Tiffany
· Rafaele
· Craig
· Heather
· Stacy
· Mel
· Ashley
· Tuesday
· Billie
· Cheryk
My best friend this year has been Terra. We’ve gotten so close lately and I’m so glad because we’re almost inseparable now. Terra, we’ve been through so much together and through all our crazy-ness and drama, we’re still friends and I’m so happy for that. I can’t wait until we move to London! ;) I don’t know what words to say that can express how much I love you but I’ve got many more years to at least try to show you how much you mean to me. Hugs and kisses my lover!
I also lost a few friendships this year and honestly it has been for the better except for people like my Blaine who I miss very much. (I love you!) But I haven’t lost him, he’s just far away.

Someone I have lost though is Kristi. You read my blog a couple blogs ago and know of my loss. It’s hard for me to talk about still and I’m working on being strong in her memory. She died July 18th and this year, I will honor her memory by getting a tattoo for her on my side (by all my scars) that says “indestructible.”
It’s been a crazy year and I can’t even write about it all. Not that you guys wanna hear it all anyway. This entry is long enough as it is! 2008 was a good time and 2009 is starting out to be awesome so far. I can’t wait to see what happens!